Unlike those soaps that are shown on the tube this is a real life episode in the life of " Cuddles the Digger" and his faithful wife "Sweet White Sugar" who is married to a hopeless digaholic. The names have been changed to protect the sane but the incidents stated are facts. Today's episode is entitled;
"Three Yeggs on a Hot Gravel Roof"
It entered stealth fully.....without a sound. Cuddles was alerted at once and hugged Sweet White Sugar even tighter. There was no way of getting away from it so Cuddles just laid there letting the rays of sunlight engulf him. His mind raced. His body stiffened. "SWS" knowing immediately what demon had embodied itself in her man! She had learned many moons ago that this demon could not be thwarted .....it had to run its course. Detaching herself from Cuddles she dutifully made her way to the kitchen quickly preparing a scoff of fried potatoes with pouched eggs on toast with an amble supply of hot sauce. A Rotten Ronnies cup of mud brewing. Cuddles as she knew was in getting his digging bag in order and creasing his Freedom 3 Plus.....not her.
"I'm taking Nogo Sojo today as Wreck Havoc is low on gas" he bristled.
"Sure just don't get the car dirty dear" she responded weakly.
Giving SWS a quick peck on the lips Cuddles was out the door, pouring himself into Nogo.
He was a loner today. His fellow digaholic was grounded doing domestics. A momentary flash of quilt . One of pain . He realized that Sweet White Sugar was at home, alone at least till the phone rang. Assuredly as their is a God in Heaven one of her sisters would drag her somewhere. The quilt faded in a nanosecond.
Cuddles pulled into a school yard that sported a ball field ,a soccer pitch along with the usual assortment of playground implements. Freedom 3 Plus! A digaholic high! Both dials set at 2 with the depth at the rear point of the arrow. As if by magic the machine began to sound bell tone after bell tone.................heaven!
"What is this" he said to himself as he heard voices interrupting the chorus of his machine? Three men on a lower roof of the school.....climbing out a window. A break and enter in progress? The old cop in Cuddles came out and he boldly moved towards the school. A ploy was needed.
"Know who owns the property behind the school? Love to detect those corn fields." he stated crisply at the 3.
"No man no idea" sounded a scruffy looking 20 year old with a fag daggling out of the corner of his mouth. The other 2 nodded in unison.
They put out their butts and climbed back into the open window. Cuddles scurried towards his car thinking that if he could find a local store a call to the RCMP was in order. Cuddles did not own a cell phone, As he approached Nogo the three came out the front door and got in a "Herb's Cleaning Service " van. Cuddles was dumb and then dumb founded.....a da moment. A fellow out on the front lawn his house say the look of dismay on Cuddles mug calling him over . The incident was explained as the neighbor hood watch type of fellow indicated that he knew these boys. The conversation naturally turned to Cuddles machine as the man inquired as to his finds . Cuddles stuck his hand in his finds pocket showing the gentleman a handful of coins.
Cuddles was feeling at easy with this talkative man and asked him the same question he had asked to the fellows on the roof.
The stranger stated that it was John Smith who lived by the big barn and the new house. He was thanked for the information , mounted Nogo speeding off towards the farmers abode. And an abode it was...............................huge!
A man of many years of hard labor in the fields answered on the fourth knock. A plea was given......Farmer Smith consented . When asked by Cuddles how much of the land did he own the farmer rather modesty answered that he had over 1000 acres and that he was free to dig where ever except in anyone's backyard. Cuddles gave thanks to the patron saint of metal detectorists "Saint Digalot."
Back at the school Cuddles nestled near the rear door, opened Nogo's rear door and took out the Pro. Rushing across the playing field he was greeted by low stubble.........unknown terror! Within 10 steps in the field Cuddles good sneakers were coated in mud along with his pants to mid calf. It dawned on Cuddles small grey matter that his boots were in the boot of Wreck Havoc. He retreated to the car , threw the Pro in the trunk, grabbed his Freedom 3 Plus finishing off the rest of the day in a playing field not a coin field! The parking lot of the school and the nearby church filled up.....a black Hurst with black drapes parked! A silent prayer was muttered by Cuddles.
With mud oozing from his lower extremities Cuddles was buzzed digging a century.....if not sore. He was looking forward to telling his hunting mate that he had procured the permission for the 1000 acres. Not looking forward to the scolding he was going to get from Sweet White Sugar for getting so messed up.
The drive home was a time of reflection for Cuddles....a time to feel the pain of todays dig encompass his being. Cuddles knew the cure and stopped at the smart shop on the way home hooking up with Captain Morgan. At home he was greeted by.............................silence as the love nest was empty......as was the Captain soon to be!
Take for Cuddles was 102 coins ($16.29) 2 junkers and a key!
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